Can you talk about your fantasies with your partner?

by | Apr 11, 2022 | Relationship Health

We live in a society where words serve individual freedom of expression.

For couples, communication is an essential ingredient for the longevity of a relationship. By extension, it can be tempting to talk about everything private. However, when it comes to sexuality, is it really advisable to reveal all your little secrets? Is telling your partner about your fantasies really good for the couple or is it dangerous?

Many specialists recognise the benefits of erotic dreams. However, they all recommend that certain rules be observed when expressing them.

The taboo around the erotic imagination

The time is ripe for free speech on sexual matters. However, there is still one area that is murky and taboo: fantasies. It is one thing to have them in secret, but it is quite another to talk about them with your partner. Some people feel guilty or ashamed of their sexual impulses. They prefer to keep them to themselves out of modesty or fear that they will be perceived in a bad light. The risk of damaging a relationship or of being misunderstood often prevents them from confiding in others.

The terminology “confessing one’s fantasies” perfectly translates this dishonourable or impure side.

In fact, sexologists and psychiatrists assure us that there are no good or bad fantasies. Their role is essential, because they feed the imagination and guarantee good sexual vitality. They are psychic constructs that originate in the imagination and translate needs that are common to everyone. They tell of what is at stake in the relationship and the desire to transgress the forbidden. In the context of such a complex intimate mechanism, it is difficult to see clearly the benefits or dangers of expressing one’s erotic “fantasies”.

Exposing your sexual imagination: beware of the risks

The temptation to confide your fantasies to your lover can be very strong in the most intimate moments.

Vigilance is required, however. It is best to make sure that the couple is solid before venturing into any such sharing and open for that. Similarly, it is essential that lovers both agree to invite their respective fantasies into their sexual space. This will avoid any risk of blockage, jealousy or loss of trust.

Another danger of expressing or fulfilling a sexual desire is that it loses interest once it is acknowledged or realised. There is a big gap between an erotic dream and its transcription in crude words or its transposition into real life. If you want to satisfy your fantasy at all costs, you run the risk of losing all its flavour and seeing a powerful sexual stimulant disappear.

Finally, experts warn against the tendency to over-expose one’s sexual imagination. This reflects a desire to control a sexual drive that may be threatened by lack of control. In other words, seeking at all costs to reveal one’s erotic dreams could be a way of locking them up to better subordinate them. The unconscious aim is to reassure, but it stems more from a deep need for control.

Revealing your fantasies to your partner: the benefits

There are many advantages to revealing your sexual desires to your partner. This does not include morally reprehensible topics, which should be discussed with a professional.

If both parties agree, talking about or fulfilling one’s fantasies helps to spice up a relationship and even to rekindle the flame of desire.

Sharing intimate and exciting frivolities can greatly increase the complicity of lovers. It is also a way to diversify the lovemaking process, to break the daily routine by bringing lightness and inventiveness to intimacy. The evocation of naughty games and the visualisation of sexual scenarios are intended to instantly awaken carnal desires and sensuality. This is the perfect way to make lovemaking more exciting and to increase your enjoyment tenfold.

Furthermore, some people see the admission of the other’s erotic dreams as a sign of trust. There is nothing like this to strengthen a couple’s complicity and to encourage sexual stimulation. The evocation of the fantasy even becomes an unexpected therapeutic ally in some cases.

It is also a way to better understand the erotic functioning of your partner.

In short, the world of fantasy is full of sensual stories which, once freed from censorship, can give a real boost to the carnal experience. However, a few precautions must be taken to ensure that the adventure remains beautiful and virtuous for the couple.

Confessing your sexual fantasies to your lover: the limits to respect

Entrusting one’s sexual desires can be perilous if certain precautions are not taken. We have seen the need for lovers to be in perfect harmony before envisaging the sharing of their respective erotic visualisations. It is also best to avoid discussing these subjects “cold”. The evocation of a threesome will be better perceived in the privacy of a bedroom rather than in the middle of preparing a meal.

If you don’t know how your partner will react, it’s also best to test the waters beforehand and introduce the subject gently.

Moreover, fantasy is, by definition, not meant to be revealed. There is no harm in keeping it quiet. If erotic revelation is desired by both spouses, nothing obliges them to act on it. On the contrary, a scenario that is very exciting in the imagination is not necessarily so in real life. Beware of disappointment.

Finally, intimate confessions, however beneficial they may be, should not become a systematic recourse. This would lead to a form of dependency that is very confining and excludes any “classic” sexual relationship.

As a conclusion, far from being a perverse cognitive bias, the erotic imagination is a major ally of sexuality. Experts even believe that it is legitimate to want to reveal fantasies to one’s partner. The positive effects on the libido are numerous. There is no obstacle to the expression of fantasies within your relationship, even if a few rules must be respected in order to preserve the harmony and sexual balance of the relationship.

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